Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Back to Reality

So, it's been several weeks since I've blogged. I just didn't feel like it for a while. We lost the baby, and the sting took a while to subside. As the weeks went by I've come to realize that miscarriage is SO common. No body wants to talk about it so it's not as widely known that it's so common. It's nice to know I'm normal. It's comforting to know this doesn't mean I have reproductive problems. We made it 11 weeks and 5 days. I was 9 days from being in my second trimester. We were very close to making it to the safe zone, when miscarriage rates drop dramatically. That wasn't God's plan for my little one and she will be waiting for me when I get to heaven. It effected me in ways that I can't describe but I'm not going to pretend that it didn't happen. I will talk about it openly with anyone that wants to know. It was heart breaking and strengthening. It opened my eyes to my deepest emotions, bonded my relationship further with my husband and showed me another side to motherhood. It was disappointing, gut wrenching, deflating and something I hope I never again have to experience but life must go on and we will try again.

During my absence, the winter season has ended along with my employment. Since I'm just now getting around to my moving anniversary, I'm still learning the employment and tourism trends here in Vermont. I would love to have known that there is a 2 month slump between winter and summer seasons. No body is hiring. Period. Had I known, I might not have looked for a full time position on the mountain. I might have worked 2 part time jobs so I could still be employed for those 2 off months...even if it was only part time. Thankfully my wonderful mother has always taught me to treat my savings account like a bill. Let me tell you, it's saved my butt a few times! It's things like that and my nature for thriftiness that ease my financial worry more times than not. The other day I was making a yummy lasagna (which you can view here) for Nic's birthday dinner. (I just realized that I didn't take the pictures to post with the lasagna. Crap) Thankfully, Ellen called me back while I was stirring the sauce! She has an available position for me at Willie Dunn's. It's a country club kinda restaurant at Okemo Mountain Golf Course. From what I hear, it stays really busy and there's a great opportunity for me to earn some good money there. The shifts are mid day, leaving me plenty of morning time to work through my garden or hit an easy hiking trail. While having most of my evening free to spend some quality time with Nic. The unfortunate part about this and any job in the area at this moment is that they aren't starting until late May early June. Ugh. That means I'm out of work for another month and almost 2 and a half in total. That means funds will be tight this month but I should have plenty of time for a few projects around the house. I have many brambles that have taken over my back hill and need to be drastically cut back. There are several lilac that are horribly pruned and in need of revitalizing or elimination. Oh and a wire fence that stretches the width of the property that is strangling many trees. I can already see 3 trees that need to be cut down because of girdling. I have misplaced saplings to cut down, evergreens to trim and a bank to weed. There are last falls leafs to rake up and new peony to plant. All this and I don't think I'll be able to have a veggie garden this year. I was hoping I could but I'm not sure I'll have a decent spot or the time. I haven't ruled it out yet though.


The main goal this year though is to be able to start my photography business by next year. The business plan has taken shape nicely and I'm slowly stocking away the capital for start up costs. (Something that took a heavy hit this month) All in due time I guess. First I need to get the website looking beautiful.

Until next time...

2 comments:

Shorty Bean said...

I'm sorry to hear about your baby. I lost two (one at 36 weeks, the other at 10 weeks) then third time was a charm. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it. But it's comforting to know that I have 2 angels in heaven waiting for me (not counting animal angels! that would make it 6 angels :-)
Good luck with your photography business - that's a goal of mine, too.

Pam O'Brien said...

Awesome post, Sweetheart! You're talk about the baby was beautiful and eloquently stated.
Glad your blogging again!!
XOXO Mom

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